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President's Letter
May 2009
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Homecoming. To most of this country, the term evokes visions of bonfires, pep rallies, football games, and parades. To the adoption community, homecoming takes on a wholly different meaning...and is a genuinely life changing event. We may have different names for it, but to me, homecoming signifies the day we finally bring our children home with us ... the day we finally begin our lives as a Forever Family. I have been thinking a lot about this lately, as I have witnessed a handful of friends experience the joy of being united with their new angels.
On our own CAFFA Board, we are thrilled to welcome Aidan home from Colombia, as he joins his parents Lisa (CAFFA's Grant Writer) and her husband Dan, and proud big sister, Elena. Bringing Aidan home was no easy feat, as Lisa & Dan were "guinea pigs" navigating the new rules and paperwork brought forth as a result of the US becoming compliant in April 2008 with "The Hague" (the laws governing inter-country adoption). Despite the complexities, Aidan came home at the end of February, one week before his first birthday, and is a happy, beautiful cherub of a boy. In April, Ann (CAFFA's PR coordinator) and her husband Garrett came home with baby Gracie. She was born in San Antonio, Texas, and is perfectly gorgeous! Ann & Garrett went through their share of trials and tribulations, but in the end, went from couple to family. I am overjoyed for Lisa & Ann, as their dreams to build their families have been realized!
As I witnessed these journeys unfolding, and the roller coaster of emotions that accompanied their stories, I was transported back to our own pre-adoptive days. It is quite easy to say, in hindsight, that the wait will be worth it, as ultimately, you will be united with the child (or children) that are meant to be with you. The truth is, when you are in limbo, this may be difficult to believe-there can be as much pain waiting for your child as there was when you were in the throes of infertility. (I recognize infertility is not the reason behind everyone's decision to adopt, but am willing to go out on a limb and say that the wait for a child can be emotionally draining for just about anyone). In that same way that it feels like everyone around you is getting pregnant when you're trying to conceive, it can feel like everyone's life is moving forward, except yours, when you are waiting to be selected by a birthmom, or awaiting referral ... or waiting to travel to the birthplace of your new child.
I know when we were awaiting our first referral, it helped tremendously to talk to other families in the same boat. I am more of "live and up close" type, but my husband made some great connections on various on-line chat groups. Getting our nursery ready, registering for baby stuff, and keeping a journal helped too. When the waiting seemed to drag on, I would repeat my mantra-"keep your eye on the prize".
I'll never forget the day we finally got The Call. It's a funny and common phenomenon...you feel like you've been waiting forever, and then, when it actually happens, time actually seems to accelerate! Our baby boy, given the name Santiago, was waiting for us in Colombia! I had been contacted at work by our agency, and as soon as it started to dawn on me that this was THE Call, I conferenced my husband into the conversation. When we hung up with our Social Worker, Andy & I agreed to come home early, and process what exactly was happening. All the stars seemed to be aligning that day-we happened to have set up interviews with pediatricians for that very afternoon, one of whom, was an adoptive parent herself, as well as being knowledgeable about interpreting referral information. It also turned out that my best friend was going to be in Colombia on business, and that we would be able to see her during our stay. That night, we went out to dinner to celebrate, and I brought along the book of "10,000 Baby Names", as we hadn't really settled on a name yet. As we went back on forth on ideas, I finally said to Andy, "tell me 'when'", as I started fanning the pages. He said, "stop" ... we both closed our eyes, and I started circling my finger over that page, and he once again said "stop". When we both opened our eyes, I lifted my finger, to uncover the winning name: Santiago. 10,000 names in this book, and my finger landed on our son's birthname! As the hair stood out on our necks, we looked around the room to see if anyone had witnessed this unbelievable, serendipitous moment. We had already known that we would be incorporating our child's birthname into the full name, but that certainly sealed the deal-he was OURS!
As I write this, our son (Alexander Santiago) is now 6, and our daughter, Cassie, also born in Colombia, is already 3. Time has moved extraordinarily quickly, and yet, that moment, and many other significant ones before and after it, is still fresh in my mind. I may not remember every little milestone, but I will always remember the roads taken to build our family...the journey to each of our homecomings.
Shila
Shila Khan is the President of Chicago Area Families For Adoption. She and her husband, Andy (CAFFA's Webmaster), are the proud parents of Alex (6), and Cassie (3), both born in Colombia.
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